Pieces Of My Heart 我破碎的心(一只狗狗的独白)

When I was a puppy, I entertained you with my 1)antics and made you laugh. You called me your child, and despite a number of chewed shoes and a couple of murdered throw pillows, I became your best friend. Whenever I was “bad,” you‘d shake your finger at me and ask “How could you?”-but then you‘d 2)relent, and roll me over for a belly rub.

My housebreaking took a little longer than expected, because you were terribly busy, but we worked on that together. I remember those nights of 3)nuzzling you in bed and listening to your 4)confidences and secret dreams, and I believed that life could not be any more perfect. We went for long walks and runs in the park, car rides, stops for ice cream (I only got the cone because “ice cream is bad for dogs,” you said), and I took long naps in the sun waiting for you to come home at the end of the day.

Gradually, you began spending more time at work and on your career, and more time searching for a human mate. I waited for you patiently, comforted you through heartbreaks and disappointments, never 5)chided you about bad decisions, and 6)romped with 7)glee at your homecomings, and when you fell in love. She, now your wife, is not a “dog person”-still I welcomed her into our home, tried to show her affection, and obeyed her. I was happy because you were happy.

Then the human babies came along and I shared your excitement. I was fascinated by their pinkness, how they smelled, and I wanted to mother them, too. Only she and you worried that I might hurt them, and I spent most of my time banished to another room, or to a dog 8)crate. Oh, how I wanted to love them, but I became a “prisoner of love.” As they began to grow, I became their friend. They clung to my fur and pulled themselves up on wobbly legs, poked fingers in my eyes, investigated my ears, and gave me kisses on my nose. I loved everything about them and their touch-because your touch was now so infrequent-and I would have defended them with my life if need be. I would sneak into their beds and listen to their worries and secret dreams, and together we waited for the sound of your car in the driveway.

There had been a time, when others asked you if you had a dog, that you produced a photo of me from your wallet and told them stories about me. These past few years, you just answered “yes” and changed the subject. I had gone from being “your dog” to “just a dog,” and you 9)resented every expenditure on my behalf. Now, you have a new career opportunity in another city, and you and they will be moving to an apartment that does not allow pets. You‘ve made the right decision for your “family,” but there was a time when I was your only family.

I was excited about the car ride until we arrived at the animal shelter. It smelled of dogs and cats, of fear, of hopelessness. You filled out the paperwork and said “I know you will find a good home for her”. They shrugged and gave you a pained look. They understand the realities facing a middle-aged dog, even one with “papers”. You had to 10)pry your son‘s fingers loose from my collar, as he screamed “No, Daddy. Please don‘t let them take my dog!” And I worried for him, and what lessons you had just taught him about friendship and loyalty, about love and responsibility, and about respect for all life.

You gave me a good-bye pat on the head, avoided my eyes, and politely refused to take my collar and leash with you. You had a deadline to meet and now I have one, too. After you left, the two nice ladies said you probably knew about your upcoming move months ago and made no attempt to find me another good home. They shook their heads and asked “How could you?”

They are as attentive to us here in the shelter as their busy schedules allow. They feed us, of course, but I lost my appetite days ago. At first, whenever anyone passed my 11)pen, I rushed to the front, hoping it was you-that you had changed your mind-that this was all a bad dream…or I hoped it would at least be someone who cared, anyone who might save me. When I realized I could not compete with the frolicking for attention of happy puppies, oblivious to their own fate, I retreated to a far corner and waited.

I heard her footsteps as she came for me at the end of the day, and I padded along the aisle after her to a separate room. A blissfully quiet room. She placed me on the table and rubbed my ears, and told me not to worry. My heart pounded in anticipation of what was to come, but there was also a sense of relief. The prisoner of love had run out of days. As is my nature, I was more concerned about her. The burden which she bears weighs heavily on her, and I know that, the same way I knew your every mood. She gently placed a 12)tourniquet around my foreleg as a tear ran down her cheek. I licked her hand in the same way I used to comfort you so many years ago. She expertly slid the 13)hypodermic needle into my vein. As I felt the sting and the cool liquid coursing through my body, I lay down sleepily, looked into her kind eyes and murmured “How could you?”

Perhaps because she understood my dogspeak, she said “I‘m so sorry.” She hugged me, and hurriedly explained it was her job to make sure I went to a better place, where I wouldn‘t be ignored or abused or abandoned, or have to fend for myself-a place of love and light so very different from this earthly place.

And with my last bit of energy, I tried to convey to her with a 14)thump of my tail that my “How could you?” was not directed at her. It was you, My Beloved Master, I was thinking of. I will think of you and wait for you forever. May everyone in your life continue to show you so much loyalty.

 

翻译:

当我还是一只小狗的时候,我的顽皮滑稽每每惹来你发笑,为你带来欢乐。你把我叫做你的孩子,虽然家里许多鞋子和一些靠枕都被我咬得残缺不全,我依然是你最好的朋友。无论什么时候我干了“坏”事,你总会对我摇摇手指说:“你怎么可以这样呢?”不过最后你都会原谅我,把我扑倒然后搓我的肚皮。

你忙碌的时候,百无聊赖的我只好把家里弄得一团糟。我无声的抗议对你总是管用的。每晚睡觉前我都会跳到你的床上,倚着你撒娇,听你细诉自己的梦想和秘密。我们常常到公园散步、追逐,偶尔也会乘车兜兜风。每天午后我都会在斜阳下打盹,准备迎接你回家。这些日子,我确信是我一生中最快乐的时光。

渐渐地,你把更多的时间花在工作和事业上,并且花更多的时间去找寻你的另一半。而我总会耐心地等你回来,在每一个绝望心碎的日子里给你安慰,从来都不会因为你所做的糟糕决定而责怪你。每天只要你一踏进家门,我都会欢快的扑向你,当你坠入爱河时,我会为你高兴得团团转。她–也就是你现在的妻子,并不是一个“爱狗之人”,但我还是欢迎她来到我们家,还努力向她表达我的友好,并听她的话。因为你开心,所以我也开心。

 后来你们添了小娃娃,我也跟你一样万分雀跃。我被他们精致的面孔、他们的一颦一笑感染了,我真想疼他们一下,好想像爱你般爱你的孩子,然而你和你的妻子却深怕我弄伤他们,整天把我关在门外,甚至把我关到笼子里去。孩子们慢慢长大了,我也成了他们的好朋友。他们喜欢抓着我的毛皮蹒跚地站起来,喜欢用幼小的指头戳我的眼睛,喜欢为我检查耳朵,也喜欢吻我的鼻子。 我尤其喜欢他们的抚摸??因为你已经很少触摸我了。有时候我会跳上他们的床,倚着他们撒娇,细听他们的心事和小秘密,一起等待你回家。

 曾几何时,人们问起你家里有没有宠物时,你总是毫不迟疑地从包里掏出我的照片,向他们娓娓道出我的轶事。可是,近几年有人问起同一个问题,你却只是冷冷地回答“是”,随即就转向别的话题。我已经从“你的狗儿”变成只是“一条狗”了,甚至对我的开支也变得吝啬起来。后来你的仕途来了个新转机,你可能要到另一个城市里工作,移居到一幢不许豢养宠物的公寓去。终于,你为“家庭”作出正确的抉择。可是,你是否还记得,曾几何时我就是你“家庭”的诠释?

你的车子出发了。我不明真相,还在旅途中充满期待。终于我们抵达的是一家动物收容所。里面传来不只是猫儿和狗儿的气味,还有恐惧、绝望的气味。你边写着文件边对那里的人说“我知道你们一定可以为它找个好归宿的。”看着你,他们耸耸肩,露出一个很难过的神情。对于这里的老犬最终会走的路,他们了如指掌;纵使老犬们身怀着各种各样的证书,又如何?你的儿子紧抓着我的颈圈,哭喊着:“不要!爸爸,求你别让他们带走我的狗儿!”你狠下心去撬开他的小手指,直至他再也触不到我。我担心他,更担心你教给他的人生课:什么是友情、什么是忠诚、什么是爱、什么是责任、什么是……对生命的尊重!

你避开我的目光,最后一次轻轻地拍拍我的头说再见,并礼貌的拒绝带走我得项圈及皮带。你走后,那两位好心的女职员说你可能在几个月前就知道要搬家了,却从来没有试过要为我另找一个好的家庭。她们摇摇头说:“你怎么可以这样呢?”

虽然这里的人整天忙得团团转,但只要有时间,他们总会尽量照料我们。在这里我不愁食物,可是数日以来我已经是不下咽了。最初每当有人经过这牢笼,我都会满心期待地跑过去,以为是你回心转意来把我接回去。后来我退而求其次,只盼望有谁会来我,或者只是关心一下,我就心满意足了。更多更多的小狗被送到这里来,我这条老狗惟有撤退到最远的一角。可悲的是它们仍天真活泼,似乎对将要面对的命运毫无知觉。

那天傍晚我听到她向我走来,然后我跟着她轻轻的穿过长廊,走进一件独立的房间。在这异常安静的房间里,他把我放在一张桌子上,揉着我的耳朵叫我不要担心。我已料到即将发生的事情,而我的心为此猛烈地跳动着,可是同时也浮现出一种解脱的感觉。她温柔的为我的前腿榜上止血带,此时她的泪珠滑下了脸颊。我温柔的舔她的手,犹如许多年前我在你悲伤的时候安慰你一样。然后她熟练地把注射器针头插入我的静脉里。我随着一阵刺痛,一股冷流走遍我的全身。我昏昏沉沉的躺下了,看着她亲切的眼睛,我喃喃地说;“你怎么可以这样呢?

也许是她听懂了我的话,他对我说:“真是对不起。”她拥着我,急忙向我解释说这是她的工作,她要保证把我带到一个更好的地方,一个充满爱和光明,跟尘世完全不同的世界,在那里我不会在受冷落,遭欺凌,被遗弃,也不需要自谋生路……

我是尽全身最后一丝力气用尾巴敲了一下桌子,竭力想让她知道这句“你怎么可以这样呢?”并不是对她说的,而是对你说的,我最爱的主人。我一直都在想念你,我会永远怀念你,永远等待你。我只希望你生命中的每一个人也可以这么忠诚的对待你。

 

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