★1. I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.
★2. Garden Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
★3. The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
★4. Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?
★5. How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
★6. Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, “I think I‘ll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?”
★7. Who was the first person to say, “See that chicken there? I‘m gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its butt.”
★8. Why doesn‘t glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
翻译：
★1.自从我听说“人还是死于天然原因者居多”之后，我就再也不敢拼命吃天然食品了。
★2.园艺定律：区分益草和害草的办法是，拔出来试试——如果很容易拔掉，就证明它是益草。
★3.如果放在家里的东西找不回来，最容易的办法就是去买个新的回来。
★4.你是否注意到，这年头，自从有了数码摄录机，就再也没人象以前那样老是说不明飞行物的事情了。
★5.不慎的时候只要一根火柴就足以引发森林大火，而想点燃一堆篝火却需要整整一盒火柴，真纳闷。
★6.不知道是谁第一个看见母牛，就敢说：“我要使劲挤一挤那两排倒吊着的玩意儿，流出来的是啥俺就喝啥”?
★7.不知道是谁第一个看见母鸡，就敢说：“看见那只鸡没有?我就等着吃从它屁股里面滚出来的东西。”
★8.胶水为啥就不会粘在胶水瓶里面啊?
